Newt and Rudy’s Skeletons Could Fill Ten Closets (and BTW...Hannity Still Running Scared From Ostroy)

Newt and Rudy’s Skeletons Could Fill Ten Closets (and BTW...Hannity Still Running Scared From Ostroy)

While Newt Gingrich was rabidly leading the 1998 crucifixion of Bill Clinton over his affair with Monica Lewinsky, the former House Speaker himself was dipping his libidinous joystick into the cookie jar of a young congressional aide behind wife #2's back. His mistress later became wife #3. The real question, as Bill Maher asked incredulously, is that "someone fucked Newt Gingrich?!" All kidding aside, the hypocrisy is mind-numbing. While he was gallivanting around DC ruining his wife's life, he was arrogantly justifying his own shameless indiscretions while holding the former president to a much higher standard. The old Republican do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do philosophy.

"The president of the United States got in trouble for committing a felony in front of a sitting federal judge," the Georgia Republican told Focus on the Family founder James Dobson in an interview last week.

Gingrich drew a line back then between his own philandering and that of Clinton by taking the moral high ground in defending America's rule of law: "I have no choice except to move forward and say that you cannot accept ... perjury in your highest officials." Poppycock. He was an out-of-control, power-drunk Republican who ruthlessly and mercilessly castrated, and publicly chastised, his Democratic rival in an effort to shift the political landscape. And he succeeded. Clinton was impeached by the House that year, although he was acquitted by the Senate in '99.

So now Newt Gingrich, the same guy who broke the news to wife #1 that he was leaving her as she was recovering from cancer surgery, wants to be our next president, and he's trying to come clean in an effort to win the conservative vote. His strategy is to get the skeletons out, and out early. Between the affair, his multiple marriages and his embarrassing, scandalous fall from power, it's going to be an uphill climb. But at least we know that if Newt did become president, while he might very well continue his cheating ways, he swears he'd never lie about it under oath. Now that's integrity.

And then there's that other 2008 GOP hopeful, former NYC Mayor Rudy Giuliani. Like Gingrich, Rudy's also got three marriages under his belt, but unlike Newt, he's been photographed in drag almost as much as Ru Paul. Is this Rudy's idea of showing America that he can be as good a woman president as Hillary? He also must deal with the question of his relationship with his two kids, with whom he's estranged. Seems they don't like the way Pa treated Ma (wife #2 Donna Hanover) as he was dumping her for wife #3, Judy Nathan (man, you need a scorecard to keep track of these guys!). Again as Maher joked, 'the only Republican in this race who respects marriage is the Mormon,' Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney.

Wow, I'm dizzy. Newt and Rudy. Six marriages. Infidelity. Dressing in drag. Estrangement from the kids. And these are the "family values" folks?? Al Gore, are you listening???

So what will the Democrats do with all this dirt? Can you imagine what the Rovians would do if they had drag photos of Barack Obama? Jeez, just look what they did to John Kerry when he was caught windsurfing. You'd think the man had been caught writhing on a stripper's pole. Could you imagine how filthy dirty they'd play if they had a picture of John Edwards, the man they disrespectfully and childishly refer to as the "Breck Girl," wearing a dress? Or a shot of Hillary in a suit and tie? There'd be no stopping them. And ya know what? We need to fight fire with fire. The Democrats need to roll out these drag photos of Rudy everywhere. At every turn. And ask America if this is the sort of man they want protecting them in times of war and terror. Lord knows that's exactly what the Repugs would do to our candidate if they had the chance, just as they've done so often in the past. And while we're at it, let's keep reminding voters that between them, Newt and Rudy haven more marriages than the Gabor sisters. Not something to be proud of. And let's demand an answer from Rudy as to why his kids won't talk with him. Hell, in '04 they trashed our guy for windsurfing and being a war hero. We certainly can beat that.