Concealer as the New Terror Threat

Concealer as the New Terror Threat

I happened to catch some of Bush's speech Monday while waiting for my flight to take off. My response to President Bush: I'll take a chance a terrorist with a bomb is seated next to me. Stop the insane airport security measures.

I'm no statistician but I'll bet I had a one thousand time greater chance of dying in a car crash driving back from Aspen Sunday than I did of being on a flight yesterday with a terrorist onboard poised to commit mayhem.

How absurd has flying become? Let me describe my morning yesterday. I drove to the airport and headed to the departure level where Denver's nice police officers let you leave your car running at the curb while you get out
and hand your bag to the skycap for checking. Normally, particularly with Frontier, there's no waiting. Monday, the line was so long there were ropes corralling people. Why? Because everyone is checking luggage now that you can't bring anything from toothpaste to shampoo on board. There was no way could I leave my car unattended at curbside so long, not to mention I'd miss my flight, so I headed to valet parking.

At valet parking, I dump the car, lug my two bags inside but here too the lines were insanely long and if I waited, I would have missed my flight. So I figure I'll check one bag at the gate. I maneuver the bags from ticketing in the main terminal to security at Concourse A. There's now 30 minutes to departure. The security agent calls for a search of my bag. The offender: my makeup - in particular, my concealer which is neither liquid nor the squirt kind. Then he pulls out my lip gloss and says it's a no-no. Then my
stick foundation. Then my moisturizer. At first I think I'll let them dump it all, just to make the plane. But as I watch the pile of no-no items grow, the Creme de le Mer, the Jurlique, the Mac concealer and foundation and more, I realize it will cost about $300 to replace it all and I'm not likely to find it in downtown Omaha. Nor am I going to go to court without it. So I resign myself to taking a later flight and shlep the bags back to to the terminal to check the one with my dangerous makeup. The very contrite guard at security gave me a red badge so when I returned I could go to the front of the line. You could tell they thought taking my concealer and makeup was as stupid as I did.

I get back to the check-in counter and it's now 15 minutes till my flight leaves. The Frontier agent thinks I can still make the flight. She checks my bag and sends me back to the concourse and security. I do the whole thing again. waving my red badge. Then
I go running to gate 31 as specified on my boarding pass. But when I get to gate 31, the sign says San Diego and I hear a last call boarding announcement for Omaha at gate 39, which of course is at the other end of the concourse. I run to the other end of the concourse, wheeling my other carry-on with my case files and computer, and finally reach gate 39, practically wheezing by this time. The Frontier rep at the gate takes one look at me and said, "It will be all right." I said, "No it won't."

And it won't be all right. Not because of Frontier or any other airline, but because of the stupid airport rules that have nothing to do with making us safer except in the minds of gullible Americans.

I boarded and got to my seat, only to find the tv tuned to President Bush doing his latest terror spiel. If I had a magic marker with me, I would have drawn a big X on the tv screen. Instead, I put the barf bag over the
screen to cover his face. I listened but could not stand to look at him.

What terrorists are in our midst? The only ones I know of are in the Bush Administration - grabbing more power and diminishing our rights at every turn.

This is all a political game to him and Republicans. Bush wants to help Republicans win in November. So he's inventing a terror threat at home. He says we need more laws and there will be more wiretapping. And the stupid, stupid people in the audience listening to him clapped their hands in thunderous applause when he promised more wiretapping.

There have been no attacks in the U.S. since 9/11. And it's not because taking my concealer or your lighter or knife at the airport prevented one. Gas is $3.00 a gallon, the economy still sucks for all but the big corporations and our freedoms are diminishing as I write this. It's not the terrorists' fault, it's the fault of our
fear-mongering politicians. War wins elections, whether it's the war on crime, the war on drugs, the war against immigrants or the war against terror. Rachet up the fear and people will come out to vote..

I want the airports back to the way they were before 9/11. I want my country back. And if that means I have to risk sitting next to Osama bin Laden, Richard Reid or one of their demented minions on an airplane, I'll take the risk. How many airplane attacks have there been in the U.S. since September 10, 2001? Three, all on September 11. How many fatal car crashes have there been? How many people died of cancer? How many people died skiing into a tree? All of those are more likely fates than being blown up on a plane in the U.S.. Give me back my concealer and toothpaste, I'll take my chances.

One post-script: While waiting for my checked bag at baggage claim (which amazingly made the flight), I was talking to a
young-looking, age 30-something white male. He began the morning in Orlando where they took his flexident that he needed to put in his teeth. He was so humiliated, spending all those hours on airplanes and changing flights without his teeth. Suffice it to say, he won't be voting Republican in November either.

Don't tell me the answer is racial profiling. It's not. The answer is to stop the fear mongering and the insane security measures and tell the American people the truth. Airline travel is no more dangerous now than it's ever been. There's risks involved with everything, even staying home where you might fall down the stairs and break your hip. Accept the risks and stop the moaning about fear and terrorism. It may happen but so could being struck by lightening. That's life.