The Idiot Report

HUMOR: The Idiot Report

The Idiot Report...... ..

Number One Idiot of 2006

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology
at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very
upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I
quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there
would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She
calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to
mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in
order to kill the ants.
I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency
room right away.

Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
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Number Two Idiot of 2006
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to
steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in
getting it out of the plane and home.
Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed
a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them.
It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency
locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They
are no longer employed at Boeing.

Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.
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Number Three Idiot of 2006
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the
Branch and wrote this, "Put all your muny in this bag." While
standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he
began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might
call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he
left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells
Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his
note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from
his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the
harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note
because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that
he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go
back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left.
He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line
back at Bank of America.

Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it
anyway.
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Number Four Idiot of 2006
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap
that; measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He
later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his
car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a
photograph of $40.
Several days later, he received a letter from the police that
contained another picture, this time of handcuffs. He
immediately mailed in his $40.

Wise guy........ but you still get a sign
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Number Five Idiot of 2006
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and
demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier
put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he
wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to
put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said,
"Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he
was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she
didn't believe him.
At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his
wallet and gave it to the clerk.
The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over
21 and she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from
the store with his loot.
The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and
address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested
the robber two hours later.

This guy definitely needs a sign.
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Idiot Number Six of 2006
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers.
The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the
startled first bandit shot him.

This guy doesn't even deserve a sign
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Idiot Number Seven of 2006
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He
decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor
store window, grab some booze, and run.
So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the
window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious.
It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass.
The whole event was caught on videotape.
Yep, Here's your sign

(Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote)

IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:
I live in a semi-rural area. (probably Weyauwega, Wisconsin) We
recently had a new neighbor call the local township
administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing
sign on our road.
The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! - I
don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing
anymore."
>From Kingman , KS .

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IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She
asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He
said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.
He was a Chef?
Yep...From Kansas City !
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IDIOT SIGHTING:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport
employee asked,
"Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?"
I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"
He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
Happened in Birmingham , Ala.
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IDIOT SIGHTING:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to cross the
street
I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of
mine.
She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing
driving?!"
She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS
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IDIOT SIGHTING :
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was
leaving the company due to" downsizing." Our manager commented
cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often." Not
another word was spoken.

We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the- headlights
stare.
This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.
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IDIOT SIGHTING:
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into
itself and for the sake of her own life, couldn't understand why
her system would not turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office no less.
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IDIOT SIGHTING:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick
up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went
to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly
to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger
side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that
it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "its
open!"
His reply, "I know - I already got that side."
This was at the CHEVY dealership in Canton , Mississippi !
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STAY ALERT!
They walk among us .. and they REPRODUCE ...!!!